Rakker droomt een mooie droom is a post from .:*Freeda's Weblog* :.horen..zien..lezen..linken.. fun!.

Een creatieve versie van het bekende woordenboek is a post from .:*Freeda's Weblog* :.horen..zien..lezen..linken.. fun!.

ALS U DE GRENS NOORD KOREA ILLEGAAL OVERSCHRIJDT, WORDT U 12 JAAR IN EEN WERKKAMP OPGESLOTEN.

ALS U DE IRAANSE GRENS ILLEGAAL OVERSCHRIJDT, WORDT U VASTGEHOUDEN VOOR ONBEPAALDE TIJD.

ALS U DE GRENS VAN AFGHANISTAN ILLEGAAL OVERSCHRIJDT, WORDT U DOODGESCHOTEN.

ALS U DE GRENS VAN SAUDI ARABIË ILLEGAAL OVERSCHRIJDT, ZULT U WORDEN OPGESLOTEN.

ALS U DE GRENS VAN CHINA ILLEGAAL OVERSCHRIJDT, WORDT ER NOOIT MEER IETS VAN U GEHOORD.

ALS U DE GRENS VAN VENEZUELA ILLEGAAL OVERSCHRIJDT, ZULT U WORDEN GEBRANDMERKT ALS SPION EN JE LOT IS BEZEGELD.

ALS U DE GRENS VAN CUBA ILLEGAAL OVERSCHRIJDT, ZUTL U -TOT U ROT- IN EEN POLITIEKE GEVANGENIS WORDEN GEWORPEN.

ALS U DE GRENS VAN NEDERLAND ILLEGAAL OVERSCHRIJDT, DAN KRIJG JE

* EEN BAAN,
* EEN RIJBEWIJS,
*EEN SOCIALE VERZEKERINGSKAART,
* BIJSTAND,

* EEN CREDITCARD,
* HUURSUBSIDIE OF EEN LENING VOOR HET KOPEN VAN EEN HUIS,
* GRATIS ONDERWIJS,
* GRATIS GEZONDHEIDSZORG

* MILJARDEN EURO’S AAN WAARDE VOOR HET AFDRUKKEN VAN DOCUMENTEN EN BROCHURES IN UW EIGEN TAAL EN

* HET RECHT OP HET VOEREN VAN DE VLAG VAN UW LAND TIJDENS HET PROTESTEREN, OMDAT JE VINDT, DAT JE NIET MET GENOEG RESPECT WORDT BEHANDELD.

NEE, IK WILDE ALLEEN MAAR KIJKEN OF IK HET ALLEMAAL WEL GOED SNAPTE…

Ik snap het niet??? is a post from .:*Freeda's Weblog* :.horen..zien..lezen..linken.. fun!.

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Fw: Proof That The World Is Nuts! a must read!!‏

16:45

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Sent: Saturday, May 14, 2011 7:10 PM

Subject: Fwd: Proof That The World Is Nuts! a must read!!

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Sent: 5/13/2011 4:49:55 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time
Subj: Proof That The World Is Nuts! a must read!!

Proof That The World Is Nuts

In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have

sex with animals, but the animals must be female.

Having sexual relations with a male animal

is punishable by death.

(Like THAT makes sense.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine

a woman’s genitals, but is prohibited from looking

directly at them during the examination. He may

only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different reversed?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals

of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers.

The sex organs of the deceased must be covered

with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia

is decapitation.

(Much worse than ‘going blind!’)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

There are men in Guam whose full-time job

is to travel the countryside and deflower young

virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having

sex for the first time

Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly

forbidden for virgins to marry.

(Let’s just think for a minute; is there

any job anywhere else in the world that even

comes close to this?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally

allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but

may only do so with her bare hands.

The husband’s illicit lover, on the other hand,

may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool ,

England – but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Cali , Colombia, a woman may only have

sex with her husband, and the first time this happens,

her mother must be in the room to witness the act..

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In Santa Cruz , Bolivia, it is illegal for a man

to have sex with a woman and her daughter

at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that

they had to pass this law?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Maryland , it is illegal to sell condoms

from vending machines with one exception:

Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending

machine only in places where alcoholic beverages

are sold for consumption on the premises.’

(Is this a great country or what?

Well,… not as great as Guam !)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Banging your head against a wall uses 150

calories an hour.

(Who volunteers for these tests?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can

pull 30 times its own weight and always falls

over on its right side when intoxicated.

(From drinking little bottles of ???)

(Did our government pay for this research??)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Butterflies taste with their feet..

(Ah, geez.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Starfish don’t have brains.

(I know some people like that, too.)

*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And, the best for last?

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)

Thank you all for reading this.

If you need to reach me in the future, I will be in Guam !!!!!!

=,

Proof That The World Is Nuts

In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have

sex with animals, but the animals must be female.

Having sexual relations with a male animal

is punishable by death.

(Like THAT makes sense.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine

a woman’s genitals, but is prohibited from looking

directly at them during the examination. He may

only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different reversed?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals

of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers.

The sex organs of the deceased must be covered

with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia

is decapitation.

(Much worse than ‘going blind!’)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

There are men in Guam whose full-time job

is to travel the countryside and deflower young

virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having

sex for the first time

Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly

forbidden for virgins to marry.

(Let’s just think for a minute; is there

any job anywhere else in the world that even

comes close to this?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally

allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but

may only do so with her bare hands.

The husband’s illicit lover, on the other hand,

may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool ,

England – but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Cali , Colombia, a woman may only have

sex with her husband, and the first time this happens,

her mother must be in the room to witness the act..

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In Santa Cruz , Bolivia, it is illegal for a man

to have sex with a woman and her daughter

at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that

they had to pass this law?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Maryland , it is illegal to sell condoms

from vending machines with one exception:

Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending

machine only in places where alcoholic beverages

are sold for consumption on the premises.’

(Is this a great country or what?

Well,… not as great as Guam !)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Banging your head against a wall uses 150

calories an hour.

(Who volunteers for these tests?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can

pull 30 times its own weight and always falls

over on its right side when intoxicated.

(From drinking little bottles of ???)

(Did our government pay for this research??)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Butterflies taste with their feet..

(Ah, geez.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Starfish don’t have brains.

(I know some people like that, too.)

*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And, the best for last?

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)

Thank you all for reading this.

If you need to reach me in the future, I will be in Guam !!!!!!

Leuke defenities is a post from .:*Freeda's Weblog* :.horen..zien..lezen..linken.. fun!.

sex with animals, but the animals must be female.

Having sexual relations with a male animal

is punishable by death.

(Like THAT makes sense.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine

a woman’s genitals, but is prohibited from looking

directly at them during the examination. He may

only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different reversed?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals

of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers.

The sex organs of the deceased must be covered

with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia

is decapitation.

(Much worse than ‘going blind!’)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

There are men in Guam whose full-time job

is to travel the countryside and deflower young

virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having

sex for the first time

Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly

forbidden for virgins to marry.

(Let’s just think for a minute; is there

any job anywhere else in the world that even

comes close to this?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally

allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but

may only do so with her bare hands.

The husband’s illicit lover, on the other hand,

may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool ,

England – but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Cali , Colombia, a woman may only have

sex with her husband, and the first time this happens,

her mother must be in the room to witness the act..

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In Santa Cruz , Bolivia, it is illegal for a man

to have sex with a woman and her daughter

at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that

they had to pass this law?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Maryland , it is illegal to sell condoms

from vending machines with one exception:

Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending

machine only in places where alcoholic beverages

are sold for consumption on the premises.’

(Is this a great country or what?

Well,… not as great as Guam !)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Banging your head against a wall uses 150

calories an hour.

(Who volunteers for these tests?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can

pull 30 times its own weight and always falls

over on its right side when intoxicated.

(From drinking little bottles of ???)

(Did our government pay for this research??)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Butterflies taste with their feet..

(Ah, geez.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Starfish don’t have brains.

(I know some people like that, too.)

*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And, the best for last?

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)

Thank you all for reading this.

If you need to reach me in the future, I will be in Guam !!!!!!

Proof That The World Is Nuts is a post from .:*Freeda's Weblog* :.horen..zien..lezen..linken.. fun!.

Lang leve de thuiszorg is a post from .:*Freeda's Weblog* :.horen..zien..lezen..linken.. fun!.

Natuurfoto van het jaar ..100% Natuur is a post from .:*Freeda's Weblog* :.horen..zien..lezen..linken.. fun!.

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.

The average person over 50 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down and I betcha you cannot resist passing it on………..

Check for Alzheimer’s – Pretty Amazing is a post from .:*Freeda's Weblog* :.horen..zien..lezen..linken.. fun!.

“Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?”

“I can cut them for you” said Dan the pharmacist “But a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection.”

“I am 96,” said the old man. “I don’t want an erection. I just want it sticking out far enough so I don’t pee on my slippers.”

Buying viagra is a post from .:*Freeda's Weblog* :.horen..zien..lezen..linken.. fun!.

Teelbal: oogstfuif.

X-benen: teken van opgehouden grote plas. X-stralen: een rechtstreeks gevolg daarvan.

Afwas: ik wou dat ik ervan af was.

Pessimist: De wereld vergaat.

Optimist : Laten we dat hopen.

Slaapmiddel: Opgepast, kan slaperigheid veroorzaken.

Hinderpaal: erectie op verkeerde moment.

Afvallen: van u weegschaal tuimelen.

Analist: deelnemer gay games.

Astronoom: een man die met absolute zekerheid kan voorspellen waar elke ster, aan het firmament vanavond om half twaalf zal zijn. Maar hij kan datzelfde niet voorspellen ten aanzien van zijn opgroeiende dochter.

Directeur: de man die er vroeger is, als jij te laat bent en te laat als jij er vroeger bent.

Tijd: iets dat iemand ontbreekt in tv-debatten, om een probleem verder uit te praten.

Diplomaat: een man, die erin slaagt, zijn vrouw te overtuigen, van het feit, dat een bontmantel haar doet verdikken.

Allochtoon: woord dat we gebruiken om over een grote sterke neger te spreken als hij naast ons staat.

Rechte lijn: kortste afstand tussen een klein kind en een breekbaar voorwerp.

Auto: paardenkracht toevertrouwd aan ezels.

Commissie: loon dat men opstrijkt als men er in zit.

Droogkuis: kuis in de hoogste graad.

Realiteit: hallucinatie die optreedt bij gebrek aan alcohol .

Hifi: Cubaanse groet.

Uurrecord: 61 minuten.

Echtscheiding: mogelijkheid om een eerste vergissing door een tweede te vervangen.

Vegetariër: inwoner uit Vegetanië.

Made: larve die veel voorkomt in Hongkong.

Communist: iemand die niets heeft en dat met anderen wil delen.

Zoogdier: dier met een hard inwendig skelet, harig en het geeft melk? Bijvoorbeeld een kokosnoot.

Waterski: Russisch voor water.

Moraal: een paling die tegenspreekt.

Impotentie: fout die niet meer kan worden rechtgezet.

Klaar: zuster van Theo Komen, ook wel Clair genoemd.

Kilometer: synoniem voor weegschaal.

Overal: plaats waar de meisjes zijn.

Automaat: Een vriend die je medepassagier is in de wagen.

Theorie: als men weet dat het werken moet, maar in de praktijk niet werkt.

Praktijk: als alles werkt zoals het moet, maar niemand weet waarom.

Theorie & Praktijk samen: niets functioneert en niemand weet waarom.

Eerstkomend: meestal de man.

Braakliggend: ideale positie bij overmatig drankgebruik.

Gifgas: als het licht op groen springt.

Klootjesvolk: stam met geringe voortplantingskansen.

Koepon: nachtgewaad voor rund.

Komkommer: stalker of in elkaar passende set potjes.

Makadam: schots voor kakmadam.

Mandekking: verwekken van jeugdspelers.

Minnekozen: West-Vlaams voor mijn neef.

Onderscheid: toeristenziekte.

Oordeel: lel.

Ovulatie: overdonderend damesapplaus.

Paling: vader van chinees meisje.

Postwezen: kinderen van doodgebeten postbodes.

Rijkdom: financieel sterk blondje.

Superdeluxe: onbetaalbare benzine.

Tafeldekken: kamasutrapositie.

Toezicht: opletten met gesloten ogen.

Uitdrukking: einde van constipatie.

Heremiet: chique homofiel.

Eileider: autoritaire kip.

Gadeslaan: je wijf afrossen.

Uterus: sovjet gynaecoloog.

Leuke Definities is a post from .:*Freeda's Weblog* :.horen..zien..lezen..linken.. fun!.